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03:04pm 24/08/2006
  i want a man......now!  

(1 broken | break me)

11:24am 22/07/2005
  Guys suck, and very often are gay.  

(1 broken | break me)

01:05pm 03/11/2004
mood: good
oh? no one updates heeeere!!!
what to do? what to do?

well.... i guess i would update more.
but this is much more fun when it is us COMPLAINING about men. people get tired of hearing about other people in love.

not working?

ah.... well.... i'm happy.

i'll complain about a guy..... who is gay!!! and knows amanda.

complain! complain!

someone go see the grudge with me, por favor? I LOVE MATTHEW!!!... uh... i mean... YOU


(break me)

09:17am 27/08/2004
mood: loved
why the hell is no one writing here?

i guesss i shall.

i love kenny. he's the best thing that's happened to me. he makes me so happy. i've never met anyone so wonderful. i love him.

(break me)

01:10pm 08/07/2004
mood: in love
hello lovies! i am stupendously happy! i love kenny. i do. i really really do. he is amazing. he's sweet, funny, smart, romantic, and just all around perfect. i'm so glad that he's in my life. he makes me happy. if i think about the future, i can't see myself with anyone else. ever. i can't describe the feeling i have everytime i'm with him. i smile everytime i think about him. this is how it's supposed to feel. i feel like spinning. he is my Mr. Wonderful. i'm still amazed that i have someone so...good to me. thinking of him makes me want to excel. he brings out the best in me. he is everything i could ever dream of.

i could not ask for moreCollapse )

(break me)

Oh lord! 
04:41pm 01/06/2004
mood: annoyed
I know that these entris were along time ago but honestly- their guys!- you'll get more of em. And this is high school, a time to sample all of the guys life has to offer- sticking to one is silly.
So suck it up- dry your eyes and move on for gods sake.
Yeah and i know i'm gonna get flack for writing this so long after you guy's did but i still hold to it.

(break me)

wake me up inside!!! 
01:50pm 15/05/2004
mood: hurt and in love
or shoot me up inside.. i dont care... either way...

this matt thing has me stressed beyond words. and marcie keeps comparing i to her and chris. um.... not a good analogy!!! you two arent a couple anymore!!! all the romance i'll ever want is matt. and i can't believe i hurt him. i never thought i could be capable of hurting him, because i'd never ever want to do that. i care too much for him..
i'm really scared of what he's thinking... because of what i feel for him. which also scares me, because i don't know what me feeling these things entails. what do you do with feelings? i know what they are, now. and i obviously know who caused them. but what am i supposed to DO with them. I've told a few people. but... the more i tell and come to grips with them, the more i feel like i'm suffocating.

(break me)

10:41am 05/05/2004
mood: depressed
it's over. over...over. all good things come to an end, but why this one? why my good thing? why the one thing that made me feel beautiful?

break it to me gentlyCollapse )

"if you love someone, let them go. if it comes back, that's how you know"

i can only hope. i just wish... who am i kidding here. it's not over yet. there's still 1 day. 1. do you know how much i love him? i'm glad we're going to stay friends, but i think that may be harder...i'll see him and then i'll have to remember that i can't have him anymore. that he won't hold me... and it's going to hurt. alot. and i try and i try and i try to think of something, anything that could be the silver lining and i just don't see it. it's not there. there is nothing good about this. nothing. how can i just watch him go? he says not to cry...i don't cry...i can't...but there's no way to stop myself. 3 months....3...my lucky number... i can't even begin to discribe what i'm feeling here. i just want to be with him one more time. and luckily i can. luckily we chose to do that. but once i'm in his arms i don't think i'll ever be able to let go... i feel like just breaking down. just letting it all go out. just fall to the floor and let everything go. but i can't and won't do that. i love him and i always will.

maybe...it'll come back....

(5 broken | break me)

Ummm.... Whatever 
01:33pm 27/04/2004
mood: bored
I'm reallly bored.THats it. Pretty much.

(break me)

11:09am 24/04/2004
mood: loved
ok ok ok, if you haven't noticed, i changed the icon. it says "kinky bitch" and there's some handcuffs on the bed.

ok besides that...

He said he thinks i'm beautiful. he said he loves me!!!! i am sooooooooooooooooooooooo happy. i love him i love him i love him!!! (yes, i'm talking about Ray--my Ray) and i do, i love him, but i've already said that. i know it's only been 2 months. i know that seems kinda fast, but i know what i feel. my take on love is, if you think about your future and you still see yourself with that person years from now, then it must be love. also, i can't stop thinking about him. he's hijacked my brain, i swear. i know love is a strong word, but here, it seems just right. because it's true. i can't see myself with anyone else. ever. he's all i ever want. he treats me so well. i love him , i really really do.

(1 broken | break me)

05:25pm 13/04/2004
mood: annoyed
I am very hungry right now- but my dumb brother is impeding my leaving the library process. i want subway-
by the by lenny- love the dress.

(2 broken | break me)

10:30am 13/04/2004
mood: artistic
Why is it "pain and love" i dont understand it sounds sooo sad! But neat!!! Hello darlings!

(2 broken | break me)

a sponge!!! lalalalala 
11:33am 02/04/2004
mood: bored, in an.... ok way
hum. i feel like if i continue to update in the motha' f... that i will bore the crap outta people.

i mean... we arent in kidergarten. this isnt sesame street. happiness is boooooring, there's nothing to keep your attention. no.... excitement...

well, that's your opinion. i'll sit here and be happy, thank you muchos.


PS. people who are "happy suckers" (quote by candy) otherwise known as people who cant stand to see others happy and must suck it away, are crappy. lol.

(break me)

thought for the day 
08:49pm 10/03/2004
mood: accomplished
candace is here!

and i really just wanted to say how much i like the font on this community.


candace says it's "arousing"

sick fuck...


wait.... this community is about pain right?!
well.... my knee is giving me hell.
(which i can not do very well)

candance is also a pain.

whom i <3.

and she <3s me too.

we sound like lesbos....

she's getting online now.

(break me)

09:19am 08/03/2004
mood: worried
ok. i'm going through some serious self-doubt here, and i think it would be best if i wrote it here and not on my journal.

ray pretty much ignored me on saturday. he didn't even put his arm around me until after the show when people were taking pictures and i looked uberly depressed. maybe he doesn't like as much as he did before? i dunno. i was already feeling kinda low that day and then he didn't seem too interested in me at all. so then i started feeling really sad. THANK YOU, LORD, FOR GIVING ME ACTING ABILITY. i must be pretty good 'cuz i went on stage and acted like a happy peasant. i went through the entire weekend acting happy. i was more of just a robot going through the motions of the day. i was thinking alot about saturday. maybe i'm paranoid. he kept saying that he wanted to kiss me but couldn't because the makeup. he said that people would notice. he said he really wanted to kiss me. well, if he really wanted to, then the makeup and stuff shouldn't have mattered. if he really wanted to, he would have. but he didn't. he mustn't have wanted to too bad. he hasn't called me in a while. the last time i talked to him on the phone, i called him. he hasn't called me in about a week. maybe he's busy, but...i dunno. i really should talk to him about this, but what if he really has stopped liking me as much.

Gawh! i'm telling you, when i'm alone an entire day with NO outside contact, i get a bit paranoid. a bit is saying it lightly. if i talked about how paranoid i get, you'd be calling the asylum to come get me pronto. i don't know why. but i'm like Dale Gribble on King of the Hill i think everyone is plotting against me. or maybe i just don't think i deserve someone to care about me. i'm going to stop this before i scar myself...

ttfn...i guess

(6 broken | break me)

just thought we should have this in here for future reference... 
01:28pm 04/03/2004
mood: mischievous
the snogging scaleCollapse )

(2 broken | break me)

11:16am 27/02/2004
mood: confused
ok, we never update this thing. so, here's the deal-io on my "love life":

  • i like someone who's obviously not into me

  • i have a boyfriend so the above shouldn't bother me

  • the "someone who's obviously not into me" is into someone else

  • that someone else is a friend

  • as much as i know that he never has/never will like me, it's still drives me crazy when i see him with her

  • and they would make such a great couple, too

  • it would seriously wrip my heart in half if i ever saw him as part of a couple

  • but i have no claime on him whatsoever

  • so i'm stuck on a beach with no rum...

  • that's it for now.


    (break me)

    12:33pm 10/02/2004
    mood: stressed
    Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

    that is all

    (1 broken | break me)

    08:46am 09/02/2004
    mood: cranky
    we never update in this thing...
    i was listening to that mya song... dont ask me why, for i dont even know.
    "my love is like wo" that's how it's spelled. am i missing something?! what does that mean?! is it like "woe" or like "whoa"?

    i dont know. i'm not sure i particularly care to either. it's just bugging me.
    maybe i'm reading too much into it.

    all i know is that this shit wont get off my mind. like, i thought i was having a good day. i'm not PMSing any longer... but i just randomly started to cry this morning. for no real reason. which is so stupid!! but i cant explain it...
    and then i though i had found the solution to my problems, only to find out in was someone else's solution...

    fuck!!! i just lost a $20 bill! fuck fuck fuck!!!

    (4 broken | break me)

    02:30am 02/02/2004
    mood: silly
    Woohoo!! yay! our community looks somewhat normal! YAY! and i have a boyfriend! hahaha! of course, i still, um...sorta...uh...like chris, but it's his friggin' loss cuz i'm taken. i'm taken....YAY! lol!

    (break me)